What The Heart Wants
by Laminamara
Summary: Takes place after Angel, season 5. Buffy visits Angel in LA, having heard of his battle with the senior partners. In the new investigation office he has set up, Buffy meets someone who she hadn't expected. But whom will she choose, Angel or Spike?
1. Chapter 1

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 1**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, all the characters belong to Joss Whedon._

Angel descended the stairs, lost in thought, and when he looked up found himself standing in front of Buffy. Startled he took a step back. "Buffy? What are you doing here?"

She shrugged. "Heard you got into trouble. Thought I might check on you. See, I don't send guys after you to do that for me." She looked at him meaningfully.

He knew that look, it meant he was in trouble. "Buffy, I'm sorry about that, I just wanted to know that you were doing all right."

"Angel, I'm not sixteen anymore, I can handle myself pretty well. You could have just called and asked."

"Yeah, well…"

But she went on. "You can't just pretend that we are parts of each other's lives anymore when clearly we aren't. Haven't been for years. I know that you've been in Rome because you heard of me and the Immortal." She glared at him.

"You do? What exactly did you hear?" Did she know Spike had been there?

"That you were there and tried to interfere with my business." Well, apparently not.

"Hey, I just wanted to save you from him," Angel protested. "You have no idea what that guy…"

"I'm so tired of this jealous crap, Angel." Buffy sighed. "We're not together anymore." She stopped and looked at him. "Look, I told you that one day maybe, we…"

"I know, I know, you're still cookie dough," he answered, slightly annoyed. It wasn't as if he had _done_ anything.

"Yes and no." What the hell was that supposed to mean? "But until then I'm going to live my life they way I want to. Without interference from _you_ in my personal life." Angel looked at her standing there before him, arms crossed and a determined gleam glistening in her eyes and just couldn't argue with her.

"Ok."

"Good. You wanna show me my room then?" She smiled up at him and started laughing when she saw his expression. "Yeah, I plan on staying a few nights."

He led her upstairs when Angel heard Buffy's voice again behind him. "And not that it's any of your business, but I'm not together with the Immortal anymore."

He turned around and couldn't quite hide the hope in his voice. "You're not?"

"No."

"Great!" She stared at him. "Uh, I mean, why not?"

"Because he wasn't the right one for me." She looked at him and said no more.

* * *

Sometime later they stood in his new office and Buffy looked around. "So this is your new workplace then? Or rather, your new old one, I think. Tell me again why your other one was destroyed?"

She turned to him, eyebrows raised challengingly, and he sighed. "Buffy, I told you it was necessary, I had to hit the senior partners where it hurt them most. One stinging arrow in the heart. To show them that they can't control us."

"You shouldn't have worked there in the first place," she pointed out.

"God, you sound like Sp…" he stopped himself.

She frowned. "Like who?"

"Nothing. I just…I had to do it."

"Well, at least you're starting up Angel Investigations again. Or, well…some sort of that thingy. What's your new name now?"

"Angels Avengers."

"My god, that's a stupid name." She chuckled and a crooked smile tucked at her lips as he grumbled: "Wasn't my idea."

"So, who's your new partner then?"

In that moment she heard a voice behind her. "Hello, Buffy." She whirled around and who she saw left her frozen in place. Her heart was thumping so hard in her chest she thought it would burst. "Spike?" It had to be a hallucination, but the way he smiled at her, with that earnest look in his eyes, she knew he was real.

"Yes, it's me, love," he whispered.

"How…?" She slowly approached him and touched his cheek; stroked his skin with her thumb to feel if he was real. She let out a breath she didn't know she had held and looked up into his eyes. How long had it been since she had looked into those eyes?

"It's a long story." She barely heard him when a thought struck her. She drew her hand away. "How long have you been back?" she asked, her brows drawing together in suspicion. His hesitant answer confirmed her conjecture.

"Three weeks after the Hellmouth was closed."

She took a step back. "You've been alive for about six _months _and never thought about telling me?" He didn't answer. "Right then." She turned around to Angel who had silently observed the whole reunion. "I'm going back to my room." And with one last glance at Spike she left.

"Wow, that went well," commented Angel, both of them looking at the door through which she had stormed off.

"Yeah," Spike said. "Much as I expected." And with that he went after Buffy.

* * *

"Buffy?" He opened the door carefully. She was standing at the window, her back to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she said without turning around.

"I…" He didn't know what to say, what _could_ he say? He took a deep breath. "I think I was afraid." There, he had said it. Out loud it sounded more real than he had ever wanted to admit to himself.

"Afraid?" She swung around. "Of what?" She had tears in her eyes and a total lack of understanding on her face. Could she really not imagine? "Of what could you have possibly been afraid?"

His voice sounded quiet in his own ears. "Of you not wanting me."

She stared at him. After a moment she asked: "Why the hell would you think that?"

He shrugged and avoided her eyes. "It's not that I did not expect you to be happy to see me, I had even bought a boat ticket; it's just that," he looked at her and found her still staring at him, "I thought maybe you wouldn't want me there, in your day to day life, taking a time out from being the slayer. What use would you have for good old Spike?"

"What use…?" It was as though she came out of a stupor. "That's the biggest crap I've ever heard, Spike!"

"Is it?" he asked, not sure of anything anymore.

"You're a part of my life; were, at least, before you decided you didn't want to be anymore."

"You know I always did."

"Then why? You were a part of my life for so long, even back when I didn't want you to be."

"But that's the problem, isn't it? You never chose for me to be in your life. I just never left you alone."

"Yes, I did. Why do you think I didn't leave you in the school basement after you got your soul back?" She ran a hand through her hair which hung loose around her shoulders. He couldn't help but notice how golden it glistened. "God, sometimes you can be so daft, I wonder how I ever…" She stopped herself. "Spike, you were there for me when everyone else wasn't. Even when you didn't have a soul you were the only one I could confide in after I…came back. I never appreciated it back then, but that doesn't make it less true. You were the one who gave me strength that night in the house and I haven't forgotten it."

"Gratitude, that's what a guy wants to get from a woman," he answered, his sarcasm in full swing again.

"It wasn't gratitude, you dope! And you're being shirty again," she countered.

"I'm not!" he replied outraged, then looked at her for a long moment before sinking into the chair next to him. "Buffy, what's the point of this?"

"The point?" She was quiet and leaned back against the window frame. When she finally spoke, her expression was serious. "The point is that I don't know how it would have been, day to day life with you, not having to fight one danger after the other, but that's not what matters. What matters is that you didn't even try; you didn't take up the chance. After all we've been through together…I thought it was what you always wanted? Did you think that last night was meaningless to me? I don't know what would have happened, what would have become of…us, but I would have been there."

He stared at her, not knowing what to say. He was sure if he had a heartbeat, it would beat quite fast right now. Buffy turned around again and looked over the city lying in front of her. "I can't believe you left me with my grief while being able to end it with one little phone call." It sounded as if she talked to herself rather than to him. If he was honest, he had never thought about it like that; had never considered his death affecting her much.

She faced him again and the expression on her face startled him. He had never seen her looking at him like that, aside from in the last moment before he had died.

"I realized too late that I loved you, I know that. And when I finally did, you were gone." She paused, while he tried to process the meaning of her words. "And I moved on, tried to stop thinking about what could have been, and I did. And now, now you're back and I don't know what to do."

He was stunned. He watched her walking over to the door before he could get the words out. "You really love me?"

"Yes, I do." And with that she was out of his sight.

_A.N.: Since we never knew if they slept together or not in that last night before the battle, I just assume now that they did. Hence the reference to 'that last night'. Check my other fanfiction 'Last of all nights' if you want to see how I think they spent their last night with each other._

_Please let me know what you think, reviews are always appreciated._


	2. Chapter 2

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 2**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, all the characters belong to Joss Whedon._

Angel tapped with his fingers on the desk in the lobby while he half listened to the woman sitting in front of him.

"They broke into my home and stole my baby." God, he was just dying to know what they were talking about up there. "I heard the crash of the window and then Susanna crying." The woman had broken into tears and he tore his thoughts away from Buffy and the idiot that was his partner. He still couldn't wrap his head around that fact. How had it come to that again?

"We will find your child, I promise you. Did you see what the guys looked like?"

She swallowed and wiped her eyes. "They… they were big, kind of brownish…" She sniffed. "I think they had four…four horns on their head. And oh my God…" she started weeping again. "Those big hands with claws, they grabbed my daughter!"

Angel watched her sobbing for a few seconds before he said: "Miss, I'm sorry about your child, but I need you to concentrate if we want to find your daughter."

She looked at him and nodded. Her voice sounded a bit steadier when she answered. "They had big teeth on both sides of their mouth and spikes on their chin. I…I don't think they had a nose."

"Grox'lar Beast," Angel said and his expression darkened.

"What?" The woman stared at him.

"Uh, nothing. I think I know now what we are dealing with. I can promise you we will have your daughter back in no time." If her head isn't bitten of yet, he thought.

"Thank you," she breathed.

"I will notify you as soon as we know more."

She nodded and got up; within seconds she was out of the door. Angel took a deep breath when he heard footsteps on the stairs. Hoping it was Buffy, he turned around, but no, it was Spike. Typical.

The blonde wore a weird expression on his face that was half happiness and half unhappiness. Now there was something he had never seen before. Did that mean it had gone well for Spike, and inevitably bad for himself, or the other way around?

Angel crossed his arms and said: "We have a new case. Grox'lar Beasts are eating babies again. Apparently they chose to ignore the contract we made with them."

Spike crossed his arms himself. "Wonder why that is. Maybe they consider the contract invalid, after _someone_ destroyed Wolfram and Hart."

"Well, you helped, so don't blame this solely on me."

"Oh yeah? Whose idea was it to take on the members of the Black thorn?"

Angel glowered at him. "Whose hand was the first raised when I asked for help?"

Spike was on the verge of retorting when a voice interrupted: "Somebody care to explain to me why _you two_ of all people became partners?" Buffy was standing on the stairs, scowling at both of them, obviously not happy with the world at all.

"Actually I can't remember," Angel answered.

"I think I must have been deluded for a while, got a blow to the head in the battle," Spike mumbled. Angel noticed that he was avoiding Buffy's gaze and couldn't help a small smile.

"So, you think you will ever get any business done here or are you too busy bickering?" Buffy took a few steps and stopped at the base of the stairway. It seemed she had realised something, because her face actually lit up a bit and she looked at Angel. "Is there any ass kicking you might need me for?" God, how he loved when she spoke in that high, cute voice. "I'm in the mood for some ass-kicking right now." And she shot Spike a meaningful look.

"Actually there is. A baby was stolen by some demons who plan on eating its head, or that's what I think they want it for."

"The babies head?" Buffy looked shocked and disgusted at the same time.

"Yeah. So, we find the demons, kill them and bring the child back to her mother. "

"Sounds like an easy enough plan. Any idea where to find them though?" Spike asked.

"Well…no, I wasn't there when they made the contract."

"You made a contract with them?" Buffy stared at him.

"We made a contract with them that forbid them to eat baby heads anymore." Gunn's words came back to him and a wave of grief washed over him at the thought of his dead friends. He pushed it to the back of his mind and tried to concentrate on the current situation.

Buffy looked at him dubiously, but refrained from saying anything else.

"So what? We start asking around for a nest of Grox'lars? By the time we get there, they will have eaten the baby."

"I still know some of the sources of Wolfram and Hart, they should know where the nest is."

"Oh, great, and you think they will help us after we wiped out their company?" Spike rolled his eyes at him, the urge for a fight visible on his face, but Angel chose to ignore it. For now.

"Well, for one, there's Harmony."

"Harmony?" Buffy's voice sounded incredulous. "What the hell has Harmony to do with you?" She shot Spike a suspicious glance.

"She was my secretary at Wolfram and Hart. She should know where the nest is. She made the appointment after all."

"Right, and because Harmony is so known for her ability to remember things, we should visit her why exactly?"

Angel gave Spike his darkest look. "Either you make a better suggestion or you stop criticising mine, Spike. Since obviously you _don't_ have any better suggestions why don't you pay Harmony a visit while I go looking for Vernon, maybe he can find the baby."

"Vernon? Who's Vernon?" Buffy asked.

"He's a guy who can pick up the memories of houses. Maybe if we show him the room where they took the baby, he can lead us to them."

"Why do I have to go to Harmony?" Spike put in, his voice holding a stubborn note. "Why don't you go there and listen to her incessant chatter while I look for this Vernon?"

"Because Vernon knows me and _I'm_ the one with ideas here, so I get to choose. Buffy, you coming?"

"I…" She looked from Angel to Spike and back again. She hesitated for a moment. "I'm going with you, Angel."

"Fine. I'll see you guys later then." Spike didn't look at either of them before he went out of the door. Buffy stared after him for a long moment before she turned to Angel with a sigh. "Let's go then."

_A.N.: I know this has been a short chapter, but since I haven't planned out that much of the story yet, aside from the key-scene's and where I want to go with it (the last chapter is actually already finished) , I thought I better updated a short one than letting you wait for weeks. Since this is just the beginning of the story and I am planning on making this my first longer one, don't be disappointed that this chapter wasn't much romance-laden. I will get there, I promise. _


	3. Chapter 3

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 3**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, all the characters belong to Joss Whedon_

Buffy turned around when she heard Angel coming down the steps after having fetched something from the office.

„How did he come back, Angel?" She looked at him, her heart beating fast in her chest.

"The amulet got sent back to Wolfram and Hart. I opened the envelope, it fell out and whoosh, he was back, as annoying as always." He met her confused gaze and said, his voice a bit gentler: "I have no idea who sent it or for what reason. He came back as a ghost though, bound to Wolfram and Hart. Then one day he got a second package, opened it and whoosh, he was corporeal again. More annoying than ever."

Buffy's words were quiet. "The amulet was supposed to be buried deep inside the Hellmouth."

"Well, you don't look like you're regretting that it didn't stay there."

"I won't lie to you, Angel. I'm glad he's back. More than glad." Her last words were mumbled, but he heard them nonetheless. He didn't answer, but went to the cupboard across the room and took out a sword and an axe. "We should get going." He turned around, holding up both weapons. "Which one do you want?"

"Sword."

Angel threw it and her right hand snapped up, catching it out of the air. "Huh, feels good in the hand. Feels…" She searched for a word. "Comfy."

He laughed and headed to the door. "Only you could find a weapon comfy."

* * *

Half an hour later they were strolling through a dark alley. "Do you even _know _where to find this guy?" Buffy's annoyed voice echoed through the night.

"Well, he's supposed to live here somewhere." Angel looked around.

"Supposed to? You mean like in maybe?"

He looked at her sheepishly. "It's been a while, I don't know if he still lives here. But I'm sure his house was somewhere in this area."

Buffy gave a snort, then a relieved sigh. "Thank God." Her eyes were fixed on something at the end of the street. "I need some killing right now." When Angel followed her gaze and caught sight of a vampire trying to bite a young woman, Buffy had already rushed forward, pulling the vampire away from his victim.

Angel gave a small smile and leaned back against the building, enjoying the show. He loved to watch Buffy fighting.

"Run!" Buffy yelled at the woman who didn't need to be told twice. She was gone in a second, leaving Buffy standing in front of _her _soon-to-be victim. "You really chose a bad day to kill," she said, her head cocked to the sight. "Because, you see, I'm kind of having a bad day and," she pulled a stake from her jacket, "you really don't want to cross me on a bad day."

The vampire laughed. "Who are you, little girl, that you think you can kill me?"

"I'm the slayer." He prepared to attack, was in the middle of jumping her, when she said: "Wait, no, actually I'm just _a _slayer, there are many more around now." The vampire just stared at her as if she was crazy. "But," she shrugged, "who cares." And hit him on the nose with such force that he stumbled back.

"Ow, watch the nose!" He screamed.

"You know what?" Buffy said. "You really shouldn't have said that, because now," and she hit him again on the same spot, "I'm just imagining that you have bleached blonde hair and a stupidly sexy British accent and that's _definitely_ not good for you! Not today!" And she hit him again and again until he ducked and kicked her feet from under her.

"What the hell is wrong with you, bitch!" He snarled and threw himself onto her, but Buffy's foot caught his chin in midair. He was thrown back and she jumped onto her feet.

"You're asking what's wrong with me? You really want to know what's wrong with me, you stupid, vain vampire? I'll tell you what is wrong with me!" She blocked his punch to her face and kicked him in the guts, followed by another hit to the head. "You vampires really think you know everything, don't you? Think you're wise because you've been living for so long, but in the end you are just stupid; too stupid to realise when a girl means it when she says she loves you." The vampire pushed her back and landed on top of her, struggling to keep her down to get to her neck. Buffy threw him off and turned him on his back, hitting him in the face repeatedly, panting. "And then, then you make decisions that are not yours to make, but being stupid and all, you think you have a right to keep information from me, and in the end, you are just a coward." And with that she thrust the stake into his heart, leaving her sitting on a pile of dust.

Buffy got to her feet and brushed her jeans off. "That'll show you not to mess with me," she said and then her eyes suddenly widened. In her rage she had totally forgotten about Angel watching her. She looked up and saw him standing in the shadows of the building, a deep frown on his face. She hadn't wanted him to see her outburst, not when it was so clearly about Spike. She walked over to him, not looking him in the eyes as she knew he was watching her face. Her emotions were fighting a battle inside of her and she didn't want him to see it. Anger at Spike was battling with the happiness of knowing he was alive, the helplessness of not knowing what to do about it and, to add to the mix, her love for Angel. Wasn't it great to be her?

She sighed and finally looked at Angel. "Do you know where to go now or not?"

"Yeah, I think I know." He was still looking at her with his dark eyes, his voice brooding and suggestive at the same time, but she chose to ignore it. She couldn't handle his jealousy right now.

"What are we waiting for then. Let's go." And with that she marched off ahead of him without the slightest idea where to go.

* * *

Spike was sauntering through the dark streets of LA, his hands buried deeply in the pockets of his black leather coat, his shoulders hunched. He was shivering and it was not because of the cold night. God, he was so not in the mood to see Harmony right now, not with Buffy's last words still swirling around in his head. He still couldn't believe that she loved him. The bare thought seemed so strange to him, after all the time he had longed for her love, that he just couldn't wrap his head around it. He had thought she had said it because of him dying, because she had known it would make him happy. But apparently he had been wrong.

And he had messed up his chance with her. God, a bigger idiot had never walked the earth, he thought and stopped in front of the building where he knew Harmony's new apartment was. He grunted once in self-pity at what he was about to face and rang the bell.

After a few seconds Harmony's voice came out of the inter phone. "Yes, who's there? If it's the demon from last week, I'm not in and I don't have any money, either."

Spike rolled his eyes and barked: "Harmony, it's me. Open the damn door."

"Oh, look who's Mr. Grumpy-Pants today. And why should I?"

"Because otherwise I will kick the door in and rip your bloody throat out, that's why."

"All right, all right, come up." The door made a buzzing sound and he pushed it open. When he reached the top of the stairs, Harmony was waiting for him in the doorway. She was dressed in a pink skirt, a tight green top and green pumps. On every other day, he would have admired her figure, which was undoubtedly gorgeous, but not today. She opened her mouth to say something, but he walked straight by her and into her apartment.

Spike hadn't seen her since she had betrayed them and so had a look around the room. "So, I guess Marky-Boy threw you out after he had his fill of you?"

Harmony threw the door closed and stalked into the living room. "I'll have you know that I left him."

"Oh, did you now?" Spike raised his left eyebrow and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Yes." She stood before him with her hands at her hips. "I won't let myself be treated as a sex toy anymore. I deserve love as well." She glared at him and he just laughed, his tongue clicking at his teeth.

"Whatever you say."

She poked him in the chest. "Just because you…"

He cut her off. "Harmony, I don't have time for this. Tell me where the nest of the Grox'lar Beasts is, with which we made a contract, and I'm out of here."

"So that's why you're here? Using me again for your…whatever it is." She waved her hand in the air. "I'm not telling you anything. How dare you coming in here, yelling at me like I'm still your little girlfriend, treating me like…"

She didn't come any further because Spike had grabbed her throat. He leaned in and whispered into her ear, his voice low in his throat. "I'm really not in the mood for this right now, Harm." He brushed her hair off her face without ever loosening his grip on her. "So, be so kind to tell me where to find those Grox'lar Beasts." Her breath hitched in her throat at his touch and he grinned. She would never be able to resist him.

"Their nest is in an old building in San Pedro Street."

He let go of her and walked out the door. "You're welcome!" She screamed after him, rubbing her throat. "You ungrateful git." But he didn't hear her anymore. He was out the building in a second, his stride determined as he made his way to San Pedro Street.

_A.N.: As always,__ please let me know what you think. Reviews are what keeps an author going. ;) _


	4. Chapter 4

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 4**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, all the characters belong to Joss Whedon_

_A.N.: Thank you for all the nice reviews. Updating is easier when I know you guys like it._

Angel rang the doorbell once, then a second time, and then, getting impatient when nobody answered, kicked the door in.

They both entered, but all they found was an empty room. Drawers were drawn out, clothes scattered on the floor and dust had gathered on the furniture.

"Damn, he's gone!" Angel cursed. "Must have left in a hurry when he heard of the battle with Wolfram and Hart. Was probably afraid to be associated with us."

"You seem really popular these days," Buffy said dryly.

Angel glared at her. "Buffy, you're not helping. We should call Spike and see if he got anything out of Harmony." In a second he had got his phone out and dialled Spike's number.

Buffy watched him. "Two vampires running around with cell phones. The world has become a strange place."

Angel just gave her a look, but didn't reply. Spike answered after the first ringing. "Where are you? Do you know where the nest is?"

"Hello to you, too." Angel could just hear Spike rolling his eyes. "Yes, I know where it is. In fact, I'm already there. No baby around though."

"You're already _there_?"

"It's an old, abandoned building in San Pedro Street."

"What the hell are you thinking, walking into a nest of Grox'lars all by yourself, Spike?"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Peaches. They've not…"

There was a pause.

"What, what is it?"

"Now they _have_ seen me." And with that the connection was cut.

"Shit." Angel shut his phone with a bang.

"What is it?" Buffy demanded. "What happened?"

"The Grox'lar Beasts discovered him."

* * *

Angel jumped into the car and threw the door shut. The second Buffy was in her seat, he stepped onto the gas pedal. "God, I miss my Viper," he said and sped off.

"How far away is it?" Buffy asked, her voice slightly panicked.

"About fifteen minutes from here."

Buffy cursed. "Why didn't he tell us he had found the nest!"

Angel gave a dry laugh. "This is Spike we're talking about, Buffy, of course he didn't tell us. God, I'm so tired of saving his sorry ass!"

"Believe me, he will be sorry when I get there." Her tone was dark, but the concerned look on her face gave her true feelings away. "Can't you go faster?"

"I would, but this thing doesn't drive more than 60." He looked at her and felt the need to comfort her, despite him disliking the fact that she was worrying about _him_. "Don't worry Buffy, Spike's not that easy to kill. Even getting his hands cut off doesn't do the trick."

"He had his hands cut off?!" Buffy stared at him, appalled.

"Uh, yeah."

"How the hell did _that_ happen?"

"Well, he enraged a psychotic slayer who confused him for someone else…it's a long story, Buffy. Andrew could have told you," he added, but saw when he looked at her that that had not been a good idea.

"Andrew," she said slowly. "Now that little toad is in serious trouble now. He knew Spike was back and didn't say a word! Andrew wouldn't be able to keep a secret if his life depended on it and all of a sudden he's Mr. Tonguetied? Well, not for long, because I will rip his tongue out."

"Uh, Buffy, don't you think you had enough rage-driven pummelling for the night?"

"Not nearly," she said darkly and was quiet for the rest of the drive.

* * *

The building they were looking for was an old three storey house. There was only one streetlamp in front of it which sent a dim light onto the paint that was crumbling off the walls. Buffy hurried inside, not looking out and not caring for any creature that might hang about the entrance. Her only thought was of getting Spike out of whatever mess he had got himself into. As soon as she entered, she heard the sound of fighting and followed it. She found Spike in a big hall, looking like a ball room, surrounded by about a dozen fat, ugly looking demons, one of them having him by the throat, pressing him onto a table. Spike just hit him in the face, making an attempt to struggle free, but the demons grip stayed tight. Without further thought, Buffy ran to them and kicked the demon in the side. This pushed him off the vampire and she spun around and put another kick into the Beast's stomach. Then she noticed Angel standing beside her, the Grox'lar Beasts ready to attack.

Buffy looked down at Spike. His face was bloody and beaten; blood was running out of his nose and over his chin. Her stomach tightened into a knot, worry overtaking her anger, and she asked gently: "Are you all right?"

"Couldn't be better," he replied and pushed himself off the table with a grunt.

"What do you want?" one of the demons asked, apparently deciding to talk before attacking. Since when did demons make conversation? Wait, she thought, these were the same demons that had made a contract with Wolfram and Hart. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised. "We're ten against three, so you should better give us a good reason not to kill you. Who are you?"

"We are Angel's Avengers," Angel stated.

Buffy and Spike were both throwing him an incredulous look. Then Spike said aloud what she was thinking. "Do we have to go by that stupid name?"

"Hey, that name was your idea, if I may remind you!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Didn't you hear the sarcasm in my voice when I said that? Oh, no, of course you didn't, you wouldn't know what sarcasm was till it bit you in the ass!"

"I will show you a bite in the ass, you stupid…"

"Guys! Cut it out! Do you want to encourage the demons? They will think they are surrounded by a group of _babies_!"

That brought Angel back on track; he turned back to the Beasts. "We're here for the baby. And you have better not eaten it already. You made a contract with Wolfram and Hart and it would be a shame if you broke it. Because then I would have to kill you."

"Wolfram and Hart was destroyed."

"But I'm the former head of it and still see it as my obligation to see this through. So, where's the baby you stole?" Angel had crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"You think you can threaten us, vampire?" The biggest one of them, probably the leader, laughed; a rough, ugly sound. "We could crush you with one hand."

"I don't think so," Buffy spoke up. "You're better off if you don't try. And, let me see." She looked at the sword she held in her hand. "We have a sword and an axe. What do you have?"

She had placed herself beside Angel now, giving them the most bored look she had. She hadn't had a good fight in ages. Should they come, if they wanted.

"Do you think you're intimidating us, little girl?"

"Frankly, I don't care. Just tell me what I want to know."

"I will not have anyone tell me what to do." And with a nod of his head, the other ones were attacking.

Buffy ducked under the first punch thrown at her and rammed the sword into the demons stomach. She pulled it out and did a cartwheel, in the process hitting the other one in the head. When she was standing again, she hit him in the face, three times in quick succession while kicking another one behind her in the chest. Their movements were so slow, it wasn't difficult to avoid them. Using an opening in his defence, she cut her opponents head off. Then she got kicked in the back and fell forward on the dead body. She jumped up and saw that Spike had the Beast that had attacked her in a dead grip, another one already lying dead beside him on the ground.

Angel was fighting two at the same time when the voice of the leader hollered through the air. "Stop! Stop, I will tell you what you want to know."

Spike let go of the Beast and pushed it from him as Angel lowered his weapon. "Where's the baby?"

"I should tell you that we didn't violate the contract, we haven't eaten any babies since. It was just a job. We stole it for a man who promised us substitutes for the baby heads."

"Offering you what?" Buffy asked.

"Kittens."

"Urgh, you're disgusting."

"Buffy…" Angel warned her. "What did the man want the baby for? What did he look like?"

"We're demons, we don't ask questions. The man was, maybe, as small as your blonde friend over there."

"Small?" Spike said outraged. "I'm not small, you big oaf."

"Whatever." And the demon dismissed Spike, turning back to Angel. Spike was fuming quietly and Buffy couldn't help smiling. "He had brown hair, dark eyes. Can't really tell you anything more about him."

Angel nodded. "All right, then. We're going."

And Angel walked away, Buffy and Spike following him out without another word.

* * *

The three of them were just out of the door though when Spike started ranting. "I can't believe you really said 'We're Angel's Avengers'! What the bloody hell was that supposed to be, a 'cool entry'?"

"What, compared to the 'cool entry' you made? Getting all beaten up and all?"

"That just happened because _someone_ called me!"

"Well, if you had told us before, that would have never happened in the first place!"

"And I'm asking again," Buffy's voice cut in. "Why the hell are you partners?"

Spike turned to her. "As I said before, I must have been in a state of temporary mental disorientation when I made that decision."

"Compared to the perfect mental state you are normally in?" Angel huffed.

"Oh, hear Captain Smart-Retort talking. How do you explain then that _you_ asked me to be your partner?"

"You asked him to be your partner?" Buffy had an unbelieving, but amused look on her face. Angel looked from her to Spike and was clearly embarrassed. "I, uh, I don't know, I thought two vampires with a soul, Spike's liking to help the helpless. Seemed a good idea to work together." God, even to his own ears that sounded lame. He looked down onto his axe and after a moment mumbled, defeated, so that only Spike could hear it: "You were the only one I had left."

Let the mocking begin, he thought. But as he waited for Spike to reply, nothing came. He looked up and found Spike staring at him. The expression on his face was one of disbelief, surprise, and…understanding? Their eyes locked and Angel had the strange impression that for that exact reason, Spike had agreed to his offer.

When he thought about it, the idea wasn't even so far-fetched, after all Spike hadn't had anyone left either. Until now.

Until now that the only other person he had was walking just beside them. A person Angel didn't want to identify with Spike.

Buffy had noticed the tension and said: "Do you two want to wrestle it out?"

Angel's head whipped around and he stared at her. She just looked expectantly at them both.

Spike gave a short laugh, his light mood restored. "It will be no oil involved, love."

"That's too bad, because it would make your childish bickering seem at least a bit attractive."

"I thought _I_ was attractive enough anyway."

Spike looked up and down at Angel. "That doesn't count for Broody-Pants here, though."

Angel had a sharp reply on his tongue, as Buffy said: "Well, he's still very attractive to me, even though he's twice as old as you, Spike." She sent Spike a challenging look, shutting him up and reminding him at the same time that she was still angry with him.

But Angel couldn't believe his ears, or eyes. He didn't just see an attempt of Buffy trying to make Spike jealous, did he? He definitely had to do something.

"Maybe we should focus on the matter at hand, namely, how do we get the baby back?"

"We can't do anything now, sun's coming up pretty soon," Spike said.

"Well, I could…"

"No," Angel and Spike answered her simultaneously.

"You're not going to pull anything alone, Buffy," Angel said.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "First of all, I've been the Slayer for years, I think I can handle myself pretty well. And secondly, I was going to say, I could try contacting Willow in the morning, see if she can get here with her teleporting skills and all, and do a locator spell for us."

"Oh. Right, that sounds…like a good idea. We could do that."

"Fine. That's settled then." And looking at their embarrassed faces, she smiled triumphantly.

_A.N.: __I had really fun writing the bickering between Angel and Spike and hope that I managed to catch the dynamic that they had on the show. And as always, please review. _


	5. Chapter 5

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 5**

_Disclaimer: __I own nothing, all the characters belong to Joss Whedon _

Buffy entered the kitchen and saw Spike sitting there, sipping on a mug of blood. He looked up at her when she came in and his eyes followed her as she went to the coffee machine and poured herself a cup.

"It's something I had to do for myself, too, you know."

"What?" Buffy turned around and looked at him. His voice had caught her unaware.

He didn't return her gaze, but stared at his mug instead. "Staying here," he clarified.

She wanted to reply something, but forced herself to be quiet and wait for him to go on.

"All my life, my real as well as my undead one, I did everything for everyone but myself. First my Mum and Cecily, then Drusilla - God, you saw me when she left me - and then," his head went up, "then there was you." It was the truth, plain and simple. "I changed, went against everything I was _for you, _got myself a soul. I guess I have always been love's bitch, haven't I?" He laughed dryly. "And then I ended up here. And for the first time in my life, I was alone. And I think I realized I had to find out who I really was, what I wanted for _myself_ and not for anybody else. I had to achieve something for myself." He sighed and stared at the door. "And as much as I don't like Angel…"

Had Spike just used Angel's real name?

"…this was the place where I could do just that." His blue eyes pierced her. "I wanted to fight that battle, Buffy. Because it felt right."

"You did that once before, Spike, and died for it."

He shook his head. "This time was different. I can't explain it to you in any other way."

But he didn't have to, she understood it perfectly; because she had felt the same way in Rome. "The both of us would make a good cake together." She smiled as he stared at her as if she had grown a second head. She was a little surprised herself at her words, but found them to be true.

Before Spike could ask her what the hell she meant, as she could see from his expression he wanted to, Angel entered the kitchen. "What's up?" He looked from one to the other.

"Goldilocks here said we would make a good cake together. Sounds like the ravings of a madman to me, mind explaining it to me, love?" Angel's head whipped around to Buffy, who was fumbling nervously with her sweater. "Hey, didn't you mumble something about cookies once, Peaches? You know what she meant?"

But Angel and Buffy just stared at each other.

"Right," Spike said. "Don't mind me. I'll leave you two nutcases to your staring contest." With one last confused look at the two of them, he took his mug of blood and left.

"You told him you want to make a cake with him?" Angel's voice was accusing.

"Not want, would. It was nothing." She avoided his eyes and turned around to add milk to her coffee.

"You want to tell me something, Buffy?"

"Angel, I told you it was nothing."

"Right, nothing is if you can't decide to shower in the morning or not. Nothing is if you don't know what to eat for dinner. It is _not_ nothing, if you tell Spike that you would perfectly fit together!" His voice had risen a notch. "Not if I'm the one waiting for you!"

The sullen look on his face would have been funny in every other situation. Now it just annoyed her. "Angel, what do you want from me? I don't even know myself what to think of the situation at the moment and you want a decision from me? Or is it just annoying you that I feel something for Spike, too? Well, face it, it won't just go away."

Her voice had taken on an angry note. "You left _me_ years ago, did you think I would never look at another man without knowing if I could ever have you? Yes, I love Spike, that doesn't mean I'm going to choose him _or_ you! If I learned one thing over the years, it is that loving someone is not enough to make a life together, or a privilege for a happy life. You can love someone endlessly and still not fit together. And that is exactly what I'm trying to find out. And you pressuring me or trying to make me feel guilty about it isn't helping one bit. Just accept it."

Angel stared at her. After a moment he said: "So you think we don't fit together."

Buffy threw her hands in the air. "Did you even hear one bit of what I just said? Why can men never listen?"

"I did listen!" Angel protested. "I heard every word you said."

"Really?" Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest. "So do you plan on accepting it?"

Angel sighed. "Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"I thought so."

Buffy grinned. "Sometimes you guys are just so…alike, it's funny."

Angel's horrified expression made her laugh. "Take that back."

"But it's true."

"It's not!"

Buffy made an attempt at a straight face. "If you say so."

Angel glared at her. "I don't know what's so amusing."

"You are."

Angel glared some more. "You've never found me amusing before."

"I know. I'm surprised about it myself."

"I knew it. It's Spike's bad influence on you!"

"Spike's bad…" Buffy stuttered and goggled at him. "Maybe it's not me who's changed but you, ever thought about that, Mr. Egocentric?"

"No, it's definitely you who's changed."

Buffy made for a reply, but stopped. She leaned back against the kitchen counter and looked at him. "Maybe we have both changed," she said quietly.

Angel looked away and fixed his stare on the chair. "Maybe." He sounded defensive. "Is that a bad thing?"

"I don't know. It's been a long time since I was sixteen."

"It's been a long time since we were together, I guess."

Buffy closed the space between them, making her look at him. "That doesn't mean we can't be together again," she said softly.

"But you don't want to."

"I told you, I don't know."

Angel's hand went up to her and he stroke a strand of hair out of her face. She closed her eyes and leaned against his hand. "Somehow I always thought you and me, we would be timeless, you know. That no matter what, we would always love each other."

"But I will always love you, Angel, that will never change. It doesn't mean that nothing else changes though."

He drew his hand away. "I guess not."

They were both silent for a while before she took his hand in his. "I still love you," she murmured. She looked down at their intertwined fingers before meeting his gaze. "But it just simply isn't enough anymore." And they both were aware of the truth behind those words.

* * *

Half an hour later, Buffy quietly opened the door to Spike's room, peaking into it to see if he was asleep. She saw his lithe body sprawled out on the bed, the blanket up to his hips and knew without a question that he was naked under it. Inevitably her thoughts went back to the last time she had seen him like this and she closed her eyes for a moment. Then she entered and walked over to the bed, all the time careful not to make a sound. She sat down on the edge and studied him. His bleached, tousled hair which had his roots showing, the beginning of bruises on his face and the peaceful expression he was wearing. Her eyes travelled over his naked torso, the muscles showing in his back and arms, ending on his hands lying beside him on the pillow. She looked at her own left hand, the slight imprint of his fingers still visible from where they had burned together. It had never healed properly.

Spike shifted under the blanket and Buffy looked up in shock, but saw that he was still asleep. He had turned onto his back and murmured something she couldn't understand. Buffy couldn't help smiling and touched his cheek softly, tracing the bruises on his cheek and chin. His skin was as soft as she remembered it. She sighed and drew her hand away. What was she supposed to do? Here she was, with her old and new love in the same house, and she was stuck. She had never in her life expected that faced with the choice between Angel and any other man, she would hesitate. It had always been Angel for her.

But here she was sitting, beside the man she had hated with a passion for so many years, then had lusted after with the same passion, and after that had come to love. And for the first time her love for Angel was met by another love, so different from it, but nevertheless strong.

She loved both of them in such different ways, for such different reasons, that it was hard for her to compare them. She knew she shouldn't be comparing them anyway, but sometimes she couldn't help it and she would start to consider how each of them would react in the same situations, compare what both of them had done for her…

Buffy sighed and turned around to look out the window. The morning sun was just coming through, the last bits of the night fading away. She stood up and closed the curtains, instinctively protecting Spike from the dangerous sunrays which would soon come through the glass.

She looked down onto her hands on the windowsill. Maybe she should stop rationalising everything; rationalising had been what had kept her from realising her love for Spike in the first place. Maybe it was time to listen to what her heart wanted. But, she turned around and her gaze fell onto the sleeping form of her former boyfriend, what was it her heart wanted?

_A.N.: Please review and let me know how you liked it._


	6. Chapter 6

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 6**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, all the characters belong to Joss Whedon_

Spike opened his eyes when he felt a hand sliding over his chest. Buffy's face loomed over him and he gave a startled gasp. "Buffy, what…"

But she touched her finger to his lips, her hazel eyes holding a soft expression. "Shhh, don't say a word." And before he could reply anything, she had pressed her mouth onto his. At first he was rigid, his mind blank, but after his initial shock had worn off, he responded, pulling her closer to him.

Their kiss, at first soft and tender, quickly grew in intensity and Buffy pushed him further into the pillow. She was lying on top of him now and he could feel all his body parts responding to her warm, lithe body. His hand went into her hair, cupping the back of her head while her mouth explored his. He still didn't know what had brought this on, but at the moment he didn't care. All coherent thought had left him when he had finally felt those tiny hands on his again, her skilled mouth touching him; things he had longed for and tried to suppress for months.

Then suddenly Buffy broke away to pull her gown over her head. Only then did he notice that she was already wearing her nightgown, with nothing underneath. He was left staring when she presented him her full naked body, her tiny breasts glowing in the dim moonlight. Her blonde hair fell down over her shoulders and Spike knew that never in his life he had wanted anyone more than he wanted her in that moment.

"Oh God, Buffy, I missed you so much," he said, his voice rough in his own ears.

"I missed you, too," was her quiet reply before she bent over him again and pressed herself against him. Her mouth was against his ear as a tiny whisper reached him. "I love you."

And with that Spike awoke with a start, sweating. He sat up and looked frantically around the room, but nobody was there; no Buffy telling him how much she loved him. He was alone.

He lay down again and stared at the ceiling. He hadn't had these dreams in months, these unfair, taunting dreams that kept stalking him, giving him hope, if even just for a little while.

He lifted the blanket and peeked under it. Little William was wide awake and showed no sign of going back to sleep anytime soon. "Bloody hell," he murmured and fell back onto the pillow with a groan. How he hated these dreams.

* * *

A few hours later, Buffy had the phone at her ear. "Hey, Will." She was leaning against the kitchen counter, toast in hand and munching. "Yeah, I'm fine. Actually I'm in LA at Angel's new office. Well, it's the Hyperion again."

Buffy's eyes grew wide when she heard Willow's reply. "No, he hasn't lost his soul again." Another pause. "Willow! No, that didn't happen either! Listen, do you have time to come here? We need you for a locator spell. We have to find a baby that was stolen for whatever purpose…" Buffy stopped abruptly when she heard a popping sound and Willow stood in front of her.

The witch's hair was shorter, making her look a lot younger, and she was wearing a black, long dress. Her face was glowing.

"Now that was quick," Buffy said, perplexed.

"Buffy!" Willow came forward and they fell into each others arms. "God, it's been so long."

Buffy smiled. "How's it going in Brazil, with Kennedy?"

She gave her friend a teasing look and Willow turned red. "Everything's fine. We…uh…I should rather ask you what's going on here," she countered, changing the topic. "You and Angel…" Willow sat down on a chair and Buffy followed her example. "Don't tell me you two haven't, you know…"

Buffy sighed. "Actually, there's something I should tell you before…" But she never finished, because in that moment Angel walked into the room. He stopped short when he saw Willow sitting in front of him, smiling at him cheerfully.

"Willow, hi. I hadn't expected you here so soon."

"Well, here I am, always at your service. Wait…" She paused and looked at Buffy. "Did that sound as bad as I think it did?"

Buffy just grinned at her and in the next moment Spike appeared at the door. "What's up with the standing in doorways?" he said as he tried to squeeze past Angel. Then he saw Willow. "Oh, hi Will."

"Spike?" She stared at him with big eyes.

"That's what I was trying to tell you," Buffy answered and massaged her neck while glancing at Spike out of the corner of her eye.

"Alive and kicking," Spike replied. "Well…as alive as an undead can be, I guess."

"Spike's back?" Willow looked from one to the other, till her confused gaze fixed on Buffy.

"As you can see."

"How?"

Spike walked to the fridge and took some blood out. "Why don't we just leave it at 'I came back from the dead'."

"Did you know about this?" Willow asked quietly, leaning slightly forward over the table. Buffy just glared back. "Oh…that's a no then? Why didn't you?"

Buffy glared some more, before she said: "Because obviously someone didn't tell me." And she threw a meaningful glance at Spike.

But Willow just looked from Spike to Angel and something dawned on her. "I…uh…" she stammered. "I have to borrow Buffy for a moment. Catching up on stuff, you know." And with that she grabbed her best friend's wrist and dragged her out of the room.

"Hey," protested Buffy. Willow halted in her steps when they were out of hearing distance and turned to her. "What was that all about?" Buffy murmured, rubbing her wrist.

"Are you all right?" Willow asked, concern evident on her face.

"Well, aside from the fact that you almost crushed my wrist, why wouldn't I be?" Buffy asked, an innocent note in her voice.

"Spike being back from the dead; you, him _and_ Angel in the same room…Need I say more?" She looked at Buffy's careful expression and said: "I mean, I know how you and Spike... what was going on between you two before he died."

Buffy stared at her. "How did you…?"

"Buffy, do you think I never noticed?" Willow sat down on the couch in the lobby. "You may not have told me, but I saw you the weeks after the Hellmouth was closed. You tried not to show it, but…" She paused and suddenly seemed to be far away. "I recognized the way you looked," she said slowly, "the way you felt, because I felt the same after I had lost Tara." She gazed at Buffy. "Something was missing from your life, something so important that you didn't feel the same anymore."

Buffy sat down beside her friend. She sighed and leaned back against the backrest, closing her eyes. "I don't know what to do, Willow. I thought I had finished with them, both of them." She looked up. "Angel here in LA and Spike dead. I was prepared to start a new life and see where it would lead me. Maybe it would lead me back to Angel, maybe not. But I was done waiting for him."

She paused and stared at the door to the kitchen. "And then I come here and all of a sudden _he's_ standing in front of me. What I felt when I saw him, after all those months, it was…" She shook her head. "I know I have to make a decision," she continued after a moment. "Here and now. I have to decide if I want one of them or neither, because it can't go on like this. I can't do it anymore, all this uncertainty."

Willow looked at her earnestly. "Who do you love more, Buffy?"

"But that's the problem, isn't it? I don't know! I don't know what I want. I'm undecide-y Buffy, like always."

"There was a time you would have given everything to have Angel."

Buffy sighed. "Yeah, to actually think about choosing Spike over Angel; it's ironic, isn't it?" She gave a quiet laugh.

Willow smiled. "The crazy and twisted world we live in, nothing should surprise me anymore."

Buffy looked at her friend, warm, brown eyes greeting hers, and knew that Willow had just told her in not so many words that whatever she chose to do, she would be all right with it.

"Thank you," she whispered and for a while after that, they just sat beside each other without saying a word.

_A.N.: I know this was a short chapter, but I'm going to Scotland tomorrow for a week and won't be writing there, so I thought, better a short one than make you wait longer. Hope you like it. :)_

_Please leave a review, each one is appreciated. _


	7. Chapter 7

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 7**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Joss Whedon_

Willow was sitting on the floor, surrounded by candles in different colours. She was preparing for the locator spell while Buffy watched her.

"Don't you think you should call Dawn?" Willow said in the process of lighting a candle.

"What, why?"

"To tell her that Spike is alive? Remember how guilty she felt after he died, about never making up with him properly; you know, that she never tried to restore their friendship to how it was before he got the soul. I think she would be glad to know that he's alive. Having another chance to tell him that he still means something to her."

Buffy stared at her. It had never even crossed her mind to call Dawn, how could she have not thought of it? "I…you know, things were so complicated here, I never…God, I'm a horrible sister, aren't I?"

Willow smiled at her embarrassed friend. "It's only natural you didn't think of it right away, that's why I'm telling you now."

"You just finish this and I…" Buffy pointed to the door and retreated out of the room. She fished her phone out of her pocket and started dialling her house number when she ran into Spike. She looked up startled and when she saw who it was, grabbed his arm. "You stay right here, I need you."

Spike just raised his eyebrow, but she didn't say anything more because at that moment Dawn answered the phone.

"Dawn? Hi…yeah, I'm fine, I just have something to tell you." Buffy paused for a moment. How was she going to say it? She stared at Spike and then in a moment of enlightenment just pushed the phone into his hand. Who better than him to tell her?

"You made this mess, you're going to solve it," she said, already grinning at his predicament when he just stared at the phone in his hand.

"Buffy, this is not…"

"Do it," she hissed and nodded at the phone.

Spike took a deep breath and held the phone to his ear. "Hey Bit." Buffy could hear that for a long while there was silence at the other end of the line.

"Dawn?...Yeah, it's me, I'm alive." Spike bit his lip at the next question. "For about six months." Buffy heard screaming at the other end and started grinning again. So she was not the only one raging at the fact that he didn't tell anyone.

"Maybe I didn't tell you so that I didn't have to listen to you bitching at me! Aren't you happy I'm back?" There was another short pause at the other end. Buffy couldn't make out the words that followed, but Spike's answer was enough. His face lit up and he said softly: "I missed you, too…No, Buffy didn't know either…I never wanted to hurt you!" He gave Buffy the phone back. "She wants to speak to you."

Buffy looked at him surprised and took it. "Yes?" She gave Spike an amused look as she listened to her sister. "Yeah, I know he's an idiot…I will tell him." She closed the phone with a snap and put it back in her pocket.

Spike looked at her suspiciously. "What are you supposed to tell me?"

"That you are the biggest idiot on earth and that you should better visit her in Rome as soon as you can."

Spike smiled. "I think that might be possible."

"What, that you are an idiot? It's not only possible, it's the truth, but I already knew that."

"Very funny, Slayer."

Buffy shrugged and her expression grew serious. "You know," she said quietly. "Dawn's not the only one who missed you."

Spike's look softened and for a moment, neither said a word. "Just because I never told you I was back, doesn't mean I forgot you. I missed you every day, Buffy, sometimes so much that I thought I couldn't bear it any longer not to be with you."

Buffy looked away. "But not enough to come to Rome."

"I couldn't." He gently took her chin in his hand and turned her face to him. "Don't you understand? The more I missed you the more reason I had to stay."

Her intent eyes were fixed on him. "That doesn't make any sense to me, Spike."

"I had to stay, because I needed to do it." His thumb was stroking her chin. "I so desperately wanted to follow you, go where you were, but deep down I knew that if I did it, I would always be love's bitch. I just needed to know for myself that I could be on my own. Even if it meant being separated from the person I love most in the world."

Buffy's eyes grew misty. "Do you still love me that much?"

"I will always love you that much."

Buffy stepped closer and looked up at him. His dark blue eyes seemed to bore into her, seemed to look right into her soul and she felt bare, exposed, but strangely protected.

She felt herself being pulled to him, her face edging closer to his, as suddenly Willow popped her head through the door and said: "We've found the child, come here quickly."

Buffy had taken a startled step back. Looking from Spike's surprised face to Willow, she backed away further and then started to walk towards her, leaving Spike no choice then to follow.

Buffy didn't know if she should be glad or sad about the moment having been interrupted; all she knew at that moment was that she didn't want to deal with the thought at all.

_A.N.: So, did you like it, hate it? Leave me a review, so that I know. I'm not entirely happy with the chapter being so short, but it was basically just a filler between this one and the next. _

_Only two chapters left till the end now. _


	8. Chapter 8

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 8**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Joss Whedon_

"Willow said it was here." Buffy looked up at the high building in front of her. It was a nice house, built from white stone, the balconies decorated with flowers, and with big windows which gave view over the city. "Doesn't look to me as if anything evil is going on here."

"You never know what is going on behind closed doors, love, as you should know." Spike pushed past her and opened the door. "Which storey was it again?"

"The fifth," Angel said, following Spike up the stairs. Even if Angel had missed the jibe, Buffy had not, and she glared at Spike's back as she climbed the steps. Unfortunately, she really had nothing to reply to it.

He had been grumpy during the whole drive, actually since she had left him standing without another word after their almost-kiss. But now was not the time to talk about it.

When they had reached their destination, Angel held his ear against the door.

"Do you hear anything?"

He shook his head. "No, everything's quiet in there."

"Well, then there's only one way to find out." And with that Buffy kicked the door in. It flew halfway through the room and landed right in front of a man who was chanting quietly in an unknown language. He was wearing a red tunic and his face was covered in strange symbols, having been painted on in red colour. On an altar in front of him was lying the baby, also covered in symbols.

When the door landed at his feet, he looked up in surprise. Then an amused grin spread on his face. "Slayer."

"Ethan Rayne." Buffy couldn't believe her eyes. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and said, "Shouldn't you be stuck in the desert?"

"Was too warm for me there, I really needed a climate change." He cautiously took a step back, nearer to the altar and to the child.

"Get away from the baby," Buffy said, her voice dangerously low. Ethan had just tried to reach for it and hesitantly pulled his hand back.

"And what are you going to do if I don't? Kill me?"

"Don't mess with me again, Rayne, I've had enough of it."

He laughed. "Your threats are nothing to me, Slayer. You won't do anything to me." But before his hand reached the little girl, before even Angel and Spike reacted, Buffy had kicked him in the face, sending him sprawling back against the altar, his head knocking against the stone. In a second Buffy was over him and had him by the collar, preparing to punch him again, but she suddenly jumped back, her eyes opened wide.

"What is it, Buffy?" Angel asked. She didn't answer him, her eyes fixed on the man on the ground.

"He's dead," Spike stated, "I can't hear the heartbeat anymore." He bent over Rayne. "Broke his neck falling on the altar."

Angel walked over to Buffy. He cupped her cheek and turned her face to him. "Are you all right?"

Her green eyes stared at him for a moment, then she blinked and murmured, "I'm…it's just…" She shook her head, as if to clear it, and said, "We should take care of the baby, bring it back to its mother."

Angel kept looking at her, but she had already turned away. He started searching his pockets for his phone, but couldn't find it. "Spike, do you have your phone with you?"

"Left it in the car."

Angel cursed. "I'm going to get it. Be back in a minute." And with a last look at the dead man on the ground, he vanished.

Spike had stood up and was watching Buffy suspiciously, who had turned to check on the baby. "Buffy." She didn't turn around, so he came up beside her. "Buffy, it was not your fault."

That made her look up. "It isn't? Last time I checked it was me who kicked him."

She left the altar and sunk down onto the couch at the end of the room. Spike followed and sat down beside her.

Buffy took a deep, shaky breath. "I never took a human life before, Spike." She looked at him, tears glistening in her big, scared eyes. "What does that make me?"

He took her hands in his. "It just makes you human, love. Just like everybody else. It was an accident, it could have happened to anyone."

She shook her head. "You don't understand. I was so angry because of all the things he had done to us over the years; Halloween, turning Giles into a demon and now this. I just…wanted to hurt him. And now he's dead. He was a bad man, but he didn't deserve to die."

"You forget who you're talking to, Buffy. I know exactly what you mean. But see, the difference between us is, you would have never gone through with it, I know that. It was an accident. There's nothing wrong with wanting to hurt somebody; it's a perfectly normal emotion. The only wrong thing is acting on it, letting yourself go. Because then you become a monster, like me."

She looked at him quietly. "You are no monster, Spike. Not anymore."

"Neither are you." She gave him a grateful smile before her tears spilled over. She sat there for a moment before Spike hesitantly gathered her in his arms, softly stroking her hair while she cried against his chest.

Buffy didn't know how much time had gone by when she suddenly heard Angel clearing his throat. She jumped away from Spike, embarrassed all of a sudden of Angel seeing them like that.

She wiped the tear streaks away from her cheeks before she faced him. Angel had the expected scowl on his face and it took a moment before he started speaking. "I called Mrs. Smith, she's waiting for us." And with that he took the baby on his arm and walked out the door.

Buffy turned to Spike, who just shrugged. "Don't look at me like that. He's always that grumpy."

She sighed. "Yeah, I remember." But her gaze stayed fixed on him. She regretted Angel interrupting; all she wished at the moment was to be in his arms again. She shook the thought off. "We should get going, Angel is waiting."

* * *

Half an hour later they were standing in Mrs. Smith's living room. Angel was just handing her the baby and the woman took her daughter with a grateful smile. "Thank you," she said, her voice throaty with emotion. "Thank you so much." She gave the surprised Angel a tight hug and even Spike couldn't escape her. Buffy could see on his face that he didn't like it at all and a small smile spread on her face.

"How did you find her?"

Angel launched into a detailed explanation, causing Buffy to tune out his words. She just stood their, observing the whole situation, and her gaze wandered from Angel, talking with Mrs. Smith, to Spike, leaning against the wall, obviously uncomfortable with the whole situation and just waiting to escape the happy reunion as quickly as possible.

And then suddenly, in that moment, she knew. Her heart skipped a beat; she finally knew what she wanted.

_A.N.: I know this was a short chapter again, and the end of the case wasn't maybe as action laden as expected, but in the end, this story is supposed to be about romance and love. It all serves to show who fits better to whom an__d I hope I managed to make it believable. _

_T__here's just one chapter left, so please review much, so that I am encouraged to update it soon. ;) _


	9. Chapter 9

**What The Heart Wants – Chapter 9**

_Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Joss Whedon_

Buffy came into the room, her high heels clicking on the floor. Angel was just putting a book back onto the shelf and turned around, surprised. But she just strode over to him and captured his lips with hers. His arms went up around her and pressed her tightly to him. For a moment, Buffy gave the kiss all she had, then she broke away. She looked up into his face, the face she had at one time loved more than anything else in the world and her chest tightened. But her decision was made. "You will always be my first love, Angel." He looked at her, confusion in his eyes and she forced herself to go on. "You always had and always will have a special place in my heart and I will never stop loving you, I know that."

The tone in her voice made him release her hands and take a step back. "Buffy, what is this?" he asked suspiciously.

"Angel, just…" She took a deep breath. "Just listen ok? It's hard enough already for me to say it."

His expression was dark. "I'm not sure I want to hear it."

She ignored him and went on. "I'm cookies now and for a long time I always thought you were supposed to be the one to eat them. And now, now I have realized you're not."

She paused, unsure of his reaction. Angel crossed his arms, a sullen expression on his face, and snapped: "Who is supposed to eat them then? Spike?" He wasn't taking her serious. It had been more of a rhetorical question, but when she avoided his eyes and didn't say anything, he had his answer. "Spike? Buffy, you have to be kidding!"

She gave him a sharp look. "I'm perfectly serious."

"God, Buffy, why?" He slumped into the nearest chair and stared at her. "No, forget that question, I don't even want to hear it." He shook his head. "So you've been just leading me on the whole time or what? With your cookie dough speech and sometimes thinking about the future, with me." His dark eyes bore into hers, both anger and hurt visible in them.

"No, Angel, no. God, I didn't even know he was alive a few days ago, did I?" She sat down next beside him and looked at her hands in her lap. "Believe me, I am the last person who would have ever thought that Spike and I…" She looked up at him again and found him staring at her. How was she supposed to explain this to him?

"But I realised that Spike, he's…he's more a part of my adult life; he had so much to do with making me the woman I am now. God, he brought out a side in me I never thought I had and I'm not proud of it." She gave a short, dry laugh. "But it got me to get to know myself." Against her will, her expression softened. "And then again, he showed me another side of me, what I could be. And over the last few months, I tried to find out exactly what that is. I had to be on my own to figure it out and now I know who I am. I'm finally finished baking."

He was quiet for a few seconds, before he said: "And what did you figure out?" It was such an honest question, without the resentment in it that she had expected, that she laughed, relieved.

"For one thing I figured out that being normal isn't such a big thing. For years I craved being a normal girl and now that I actually have what I always wanted…" She smiled sheepishly and for a moment felt like sixteen again, fidgeting with her sweater as he waited for her to go on. "I noticed that it is quiet boring. I miss all the slaying, going out at night. There are so many slayers around now, I am not the most feared person among the vampire population anymore." She shrugged and said: "I guess you only realise what you had when it's gone." It was said lightly, but they both knew the meaning behind those words.

"Angel, we both knew I had to make a choice sometime. It couldn't go on like this between us. On and off again, you showing up sometimes, me getting all emotional. It is all or nothing and we both know we can't have all, as much as we would want to."

"Ha, I knew it!" he said and his eyes lightened up with triumph. "You're just taking him, because you think you can't have me."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Maybe it's because he's not as childish as you." She seemed to think about that for a moment. "No, wait, you're both the same. As bad as little kiddies."

"I'm not!" He paused. "He's worse," he mumbled.

Buffy couldn't help a small chuckle and was glad that he wasn't brooding anymore, as undoubtedly he would. But then she grew serious again. She couldn't let him getting wrong ideas about this. "I made a decision, Angel, and it has nothing to do with the possibility of you losing your soul. I just…followed my feelings and what felt right for me."

He looked sullen again, but there was nothing she could do about it. Actually, there was and she had to fight the urge to just take him into her arms again, but that was over. Once and for all. Why was loving two men at the same time so difficult? She sighed, pitying herself for a second and then stood up. "I should go." His head went up and she already saw the retort on his lips, but then he restrained himself. "Yeah, you probably should."

Her gaze lingered on him for a moment longer before she turned around and was gone.

* * *

She quietly pushed the door open. Without a sound she entered the room, seeing him standing by the window. He was deep in thought, his hands gripping the window sill, and he looked out at the night sky. The weak moonlight shone onto his hair, making it gleam white in the darkness he otherwise appeared so perfectly to blend into. Somehow it seemed right, him and the night as one. She smiled at the sight of him, when suddenly he turned around and faced her. He had heard her coming after all. Or maybe it was her scent. They looked at each other for a long moment, neither of them saying a single word. She took a step forward, gazing at him with all the love she felt inside of her, not hiding it anymore, and Spike's expression turned into one of disbelief. "Why me?" he said quietly, his voice rough with emotion.

So he had realized why she was here. She smiled at him, closing the space between them. She was so near, she could feel his breath on her skin. The breath she knew he only took when he was nervous. "Because you make me feel loved every second of the day, even when I don't love myself." She took his hand in hers and held them both against her chest. "Because you understand me like nobody else does." She looked into his eyes as she whispered her last words. "Because you're a hell of a man, Spike."

He just stared at her, fascinated and maybe in shock, when her hand went up to his cheek. She caressed it gently, his eyes closing, and he leaned into her hand. A sound between a purr and a growl escaped his throat, the vampire in him surfacing for a moment, and her heart fluttered. She had waited so long, she couldn't wait any longer. And that's when she finally kissed him, a kiss she wanted more than anything, and when she felt his arms going around her, she knew she never wanted to let go again.

**The End **

_A.N.: This has been the first longer fan fiction I __have ever finished, so I feel quite accomplished at the moment. :) Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I don't think I could have finished it without you guys. _

_The end is basically based on an interview with Sarah Michelle Gellar I saw, where she said that there will always be a part of Buffy that loves Angel, but that Buffy and Spike understand each other on a level that nobody else does. That though even maybe Angel is the love of her life, it doesn't mean that he's the one she's supposed to be with eternally. I quite liked that, so I thought I would bring it into this; that, like she said, Spike understands Buffy like nobody else. _

_Please leave a review and tell me how you liked the end. The last chapter was my favourite and I enjoyed writing it most, so I would really like to know what everyone else thinks about it; if it was a fitting end, if it was to__o cheesy, unbelievable, whatever, just tell me. Thanks :) _


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